Facebook and dating

I grew up well before Facebook and often wonder how have people become so dependent on social media now. Since I have been divorced almost four years ago, I have been out on quite a few dates. There seems to be a trend of "friending" someone on Facebook before I go out with them as a way for that person to check me out before we go out on a date. At first, I didn't mind this...but recently, I have changed my mind. I have found that people will often post only "their best side" on their Facebook page so you don't really get a true sense of who they are. Or a couple times, the person I went out with was very different online as compared to who they were in real life. Whatever happened to just getting to know someone first?

My biggest pet peeve with "friending" someone on Facebook is simply the word "friend." To me, that word still holds value. It isn't cheapened because of an online presence. I can honestly say that the friends I have on Facebook are people I have gotten to know fairly well and have interacted with at some point. I have had friend requests from people I had a 30 minute meeting with a year ago and sure enough, I'll get a strange look or a question like "aren't we (Facebook) friends?" I consider my Facebook page a private look into my life. I don't accept everybody I come in contact with to have that access. But it seems that people believe that they should have that kind of access.

Facebook posting

I love Facebook...maybe too much but even I have set my limits and mentally stop myself from getting carried away. I like it because I post what's going on in my life...mostly good. I don't want to post negative or bad stuff because I feel like it is drawing too much attention. But that is a symptom of how conscious people have become of posting things on Facebook.

The real reason I am writing this is because of people who post too much information on Facebook. I just want to list three examples.

1. Do not post details that should be private about your job. Another person who I know is a grad student and teacher. He has openly posted his gripes about students multiple times and other times, he will blast the school he teaches/studies at. NEVER blast students on social media...and especially if you do not have a full-time job yet and hope to graduate in a couple years.

2. A friend of mine went through a tough divorce last year...as the break up and divorce was proceding, he posted gripes about his soon-to-be ex as well as her parenting abilities and things she supposedly did. If a divorce is pending in court, this was probably not a smart move.

3. I get that sometimes it is important to let others know how a loved one is doing if they are sick or in the hospital. I understand that. BUT I do not get people who post pictures of injuries or grotesque photos of injuries. I don't want to see that!

Please feel free to add your "do not post" or what you cannot stand that people post on Facebook comment. What are your thoughts?

Jobs and Relationships

It's been so long since my last blog post. I feel the need to write. For a long time, I have compared jobs to relationships and vice versa. We are looking for "the one"...whether it's a job or the signficant other. I strongly believe the two have a lot in common.

For both...
You want to make a great first impression.
You want growth in both.
You don't want to cheat on either. If you are cheating, what you have currently going on is not satisfying you. Or it is not giving you something you need or deserve.
You want good, open communication.
You want to have input in your future.
You want "the one" you find to be your last one.
If there's bad news, you would like to be treated as an adult and treated with respect. Meaning, you should be talked to in person and not in a memo or e-mail.
And vice versa, if you have to leave, do it respectfully. Be a good person. Show that you have class.
The transition process from one to another can be awkward and requires time.

In the Business Communication class I teach, I say to my students all the time to treat people like how you would like to be treated. The Golden Rule. Even if you have to fire an employee and it is unpleasant, do them the favor and tell them in person. It could be a learning experience for them as well as for you. I am such a huge believer in this. I try to treat students and colleagues with a positive attitude and support them.

Over my career in which I have worked numerous jobs, I have noticed that the "rules" I have listed in my comparison to relationships, usually hold true.

A bad audition that brings fame and laughs

So I got a call from a longtime friend last Wednesday night and as soon as I said, "hello?", my friend was cackling like a hyena. My friend was laughing hysterically at Joe Repka, the American Idol contestant. Joe was a student of mine last year. Good to hear he mentioned Toledo. The day after the audition aired, Joe was on Kaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy----100! And he has been flooded with media requests.
And then there was this posted on YouTube...

Newswriting issue

Sorry it's been so long between posts but I had to write something after seeing this story on the local news.

TOLEDO, OH (WTOL) - Anferney Fontenet, 16, has been sentenced for raping a woman with Asperger's syndrome alongside a Toledo road.

As the judge handed down the punishment of 18 years in prison, the victim watched from a monitor in another part of the courthouse and Fontenet shed tears.
Judge Stacy Cook says Fontenet has no control over his impulses and that makes him a danger to the community.

The victim's mom read a letter her daughter wrote saying how the rape and robbery changed her life forever.

Fontenet had a few words to say in court too.
"I'd like to apologize to the victim and her family. I didn't intend for any of this to happen, but I'm not going to make an excuse for it, but what I did was not right. What I did was wrong."

The victim's family is glad this boy is off the streets.
"I don't feel satisfied. I don't feel dissatisfied. I am happy he's off the streets so he doesn't hurt anyone else, but I'm not in for revenge," the victim's mother said.

Fontenet will have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life. He says he plans on appealing the sentence.


****My only question with this story is why is it relevant that the victim had Asperger's syndrome? Why is she identified by her illness?

The BIG 4-0

So, here I am with a little more than a week left of the 30s. I am definitely thinking more about hitting 40 than what I did when I hit 30. 40 is middle aged. The 30s decade was a crazy one. I worked four jobs with hopefully, the one I'm at...being the one I can stay at the longest. I also started work on a Ph.D....first at Kent State and then on to BG to finish up some day.

I was married for four years and divorced. Enough said.

I'm just happy to be physically and mentally healthy. I wish I had the energy I had when I was younger but I still stay active enough to not become a total slob as I hit 40.

If you are over 40, please leave me some advice for hitting 40 and moving beyond. Also, how did you feel when you hit 40? Was it a big deal?

You never know who you'll run into...

Ok, so here's a story...
I was at Kroger's on Main Street in Bowling Green, on the north end of town. At least I think it's Main Street. This was this past Saturday night. I was on my way to a birthday party. I just filled my gas tank and was waiting to turn left to go south...leaving Kroger's. I'm behind a white Chevy Caprice Classic. All of a sudden, the car puts it in reverse and starts backing up. I can't go anywhere because a car is behind me. I lay on my horn a couple times. The car kept coming and hit me!!!! Didn't seem major but the car hit me enough to get my attention. Of course, the light turns green. The white car turns left. I'm pissed. I follow the car. I'm honking my horn and flashing my lights every other block. The car keeps going. I call BG Police....who are busy with the Tractor Pull. I read off the license plate number and took a picture of the car with my phone. As I'm on the phone with BG Police, I am calling out what direction I am going and what streets I'm passing. Every so often, again, I flashed my lights and honked my horn. I noticed the passenger turned around and looked. I pointed to the side of the road as if to say, "HEY, PULL OVER!" I even yelled that out the window. We were now five miles away from Kroger's. We went by the fairgrounds where the tractor pull was going on. We never went faster than 40 mph. Eventually, I got transfered to the Wood County Sheriff's Department. I followed the car to a little town called Tontogany. Otsego High School is not that far away. We were now about 6 miles from where the "chase" started. The car pulled into a driveway. I parked. The passenger got out. She was a short woman...a little rough around the edges. I said, "You hit my car." She said, "no, we didn't." I said, "Yes, you did....back at Kroger's. We were sitting at the light waiting to turn onto Main....you started to back up and I laid on my horn and you hit me." The woman got really nervous and pulled out a cigarette and was shaking. I looked at the front of my car and really couldn't see any major damage. There might have been some scratches in the grill or something but nothing big. Anyway, then, the driver gets out. She's probably in her mid-60s. There's a handicap accessible placard in her rearview mirror. She struggled to make it over to me and the other woman, who as it turned out, was her sister. The driver, was missing teeth and walked (really struggled to walk) with a cane. She didn't know or believed she hit me either. She thought I was tail-gating her. After talking to her and her sister, the driver told me she is homeless. Her car is pretty much the only thing she owns. She has no phone. She lives in a mission in Toledo. She also told me she had been the victim of a break-in and had been robbed recently in Toledo. Her sister lives in a room at the house of a friend we were at parked at. She has a pre-paid phone. Both are looking for work. The driver was overly apologetic and seemed to be getting upset that she hit me and didn't realize it. The sheriff's department told me BG Police would follow up with them when I told them I live in Toledo. However, after hearing how down on their luck both women were, I decided this wasn't worth it. They don't need the trouble. I told them to forget about it. Just then, a Wood County Sheriff's Department officer pulls up. He showed me a message from the BG Police that basically said that again, they would follow up if I wanted to. I told him to forget about it. The ladies thanked me and said I was a very nice guy. I left and went on my way to the birthday party but man, it really taught me a lesson about waiting to judge somebody before I get all the facts. Here I was thinking, "what kind of a-hole hits me and keeps driving?" And then after talking to these two ladies, I found out they were super nice and didn't mean it all. And in the end, I ended up wishing I could have done more to help them.